Today I start a course on raising my vibrational level in hopes of having more direct after death communications.  It’s been a weird several days.  We want signs from Shayna, but if what’s been happening lately are signs, we can hold off on the signs for a while. A few of weeks ago when we took Kayla back to school, I discovered a $1,700 problem with her car.  The refrigerator suddenly stopped working just a couple of weeks after that.  A light switch stopped working entirely, then started kinda working.  I’ve had three hard drives crash including two on the same day. Two of those drives were backup drives, but one is the main drive on Tywana’s computer which now needs to be replaced. And, the ceiling fan in our bedroom keeps turning itself on and off including the light. A couple of nights ago as we were trying to fall asleep the light flashed on and off and the fan changed speeds.  OK, Shayna, if you’re going to give us signs, please try not to make them destructive.

As I’m falling asleep I decide to try praying for a dream visit.  Several people have recommended asking for dream visits, but I’m hesitant to ask. I’m not good at asking for things because I don’t want to be disappointed when I don’t receive.  I ask for a visit and I fall asleep.

I wake up around 5:45 AM. I normally get up around 6:30-7:00.  I’ve had the most amazing dream, but my first thought is a bit of a disappointment, but not surprise, that I did not have a dream visit from Shayna.  

In my dream, I’m at a big family gathering in a house I don’t recognize. It’s a huge gathering full of adults, children, laughter, food, the whole nine yards.  Even though I don’t recognize the home or most of the people, I feel safe and fully at Home.  There is this little baby, an infant, no more than a few months old.  She is a beautiful baby girl. I don’t even know her name. She can speak clearly though and she says she’s really, really sleepy and wants me to put her down for a nap.  I take her tiny body and hold her close to me.  I cradle her in my left arm.  I wrap my right hand around her tiny head to support it, my thumb on one side and just three fingers on the other side. She looks up and me.  I love the feeling of holding her, protecting her and knowing she is totally dependent on me.  I feel like she is mine even though I don’t even know her name.  I take her into the bedroom and there is a place made up on the bed to put her down for a nap.  As I lay her down on the bed, she looks up at me and tells me she will see me when she wakes up. I leave the room so that she can sleep and join the rest of the party.  Then I spot another little girl walking across the floor. She is so sleepy she can barely keep walking. Her body is that of a one year old, just about the age when they can start walking, but her face is that of an adult.  She’s a beautiful girl, big round fat face.  Her name is Dorene (I don’t know anyone named Dorene).  She’s ready for a nap, too.  I convince her to go lie down.  I sit and enjoy the party until I finally wake up.  I’ve got the most wonderful feeling.  I would pay a million dollars to feel that feeling I had as I held that little girl.  Being a Daddy was the best thing I’ve ever experienced in my life and even though it was just in a dream, I had that feeling for a few more moments.

As I wake up, my thought is the girl I put down for the nap is a metaphor for those who pass on before we do, they sleep while we’re awake, then they wake up to join us. But I quickly realize this thought is wrong. It’s not the “dead” who are asleep.  It’s us. And they don’t “wake up” to rejoin us, we wake up to go be with them.  Then, it hits me, that little girl I held and put down for a nap was Shayna.  The disappointment of not having the dream visit I hoped for passes quickly.

6:20 rolls around. I might as well get up. I go into the bathroom to get dressed so I don’t disturb Tywana.  As I come out of the room where the toilet is I notice the light in the bedroom is on. I didn’t turn it on.  Why would Tywana have the light on so early?  I look out and she’s asleep.  I ask her why the light is on. She doesn’t know. She hadn’t turned it on.

Today is the first Sunday of the month. It’s the day before Labor Day, so we weren’t sure it if was the best time to try to have the Helping Parents Heal meeting.  IANDS moved their monthly meeting to next week. But, Tywana and I decide to just leave it as it is and see how it goes. No one showed up last month.  There is nowhere to go but up.

A couple of people have told us they would be here this month including a woman I have not met that found us through a mutual Facebook friend.  So, we’re hopeful we will have at least two people. We gather up our stuff, set our expectations knowing we might be coming right back home and we’re off to the meeting.

A few minutes till seven, I hear someone come into the room next to us where the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting is. I hear her ask “Is this the meeting?” and I hear the response of “Yes, come on in.”. Then I hear her name as she introduces herself.  It’s an unusual name, so I immediately know this is the person coming to our meeting, so I’m off to retrieve our first member.  

We do introductions.  It’s a few minutes till 7 o’clock. At 7, I start.  I tell her what the group is about.  By ten after it looks like no one else is going to show up. So, we begin sharing the stories of our kids.  Just then our second person walks in. We redo introductions and I retell the story of Shayna, quick version. Then we go around the table and complete the storytelling.  We have two mothers.  One’s grown son transitioned two years ago.  The other’s teenage daughter passed 32 years ago. She is here to help those of us who are recent- well, there’s no word for what we are.  Wives whose husbands have transitioned are called widows. Children whose parents have gone on are called orphans. The horror of losing a child is so bad there is no word for it.  But, she is here to help us, us parents still walking around in a fog.  I’ve had many parents tell me the first year or two you’re numb, on autopilot, barely functioning.

What happens in the meeting stays in the meeting so I will not share any stories or any information that could be used to identify any individuals.  But, as the meeting goes on, I’m thinking “We’re scheduled to be here until 9 o’clock.  There are only four of us. We’ve just met.  We’ll be out of here by 8 o’clock.  I have no formal agenda. We don’t know each other. When the conversation lulls, I’ll call it. 8 o’clock rolls around, 8:30, 8:45.  Finally, at 8:55 I tell them we’re going to have to start winding down the conversation.

During the meeting, I read an introduction by Sheri Perl Migdol that summarizes what HPH believes about the continuance of our children’s lives, what we are to do while we are here and the eternal beings that we are all.  My intent is to read it at the beginning of every meeting just to get everyone on the same page.  But, it was totally unnecessary with the two women who showed up. We share stories of signs we have gotten from our kids before they passed and prescient dreams before. We talk about reincarnation.  All of us had been to psychics or mediums or both and gotten amazing incontrovertible evidence that there is something very real about their abilities.

It’s not the number of people in the room that count. If we can help even one parent, we have done what we set out to do. And the meetings help us.  In spite of the signs Tywana and I have gotten, the evidence we’ve found through our research, every story helps. Every person who confirms we’re not crazy, it’s not just wishful thinking bolsters our hope and gives us the strength to carry one.  Tonight, it’s mission accomplished.

p.s.- I almost forgot… One of the things we talked about was finding dimes.  Pennies from Heaven is a common phrase, people attributing finding pennies to their Risen loved ones. Well, we decided we wanted dimes because finding a penny is too common.  I told my Put-In-Bay dime story.  When we get home, on the bedroom floor is a single dime.