The Hummingbirds

I am sitting on my deck watching the sun go down trying to make it through another day. I was praying for peace and guidance and strength. I felt at the end of my rope. This is 40 days after Shayna’s passing.  I am praying “Spirit Guide, Angels, God, Shayna, whoever is supposed to be watching over me and protecting me and guiding me, I need your help now. I cannot do this on my own.  This is too much.  Please give me strength and guidance and wisdom.” Just then a hummingbird flew up beside me and hovered for a moment less than an arm’s length away. It startled me. I turned to look at it as it came up from my right side. It hovered for a moment then flew off.  I took this as a sign that my prayer was going to be answered.

Two days later I am sitting on the deck. This time I’m praying about how God got it wrong. If one of us had to go it was supposed to be me first. I would gladly trade places with Shayna to allow her to live a long life with Kayla and Ty. They could be happy without me. This just isn’t right. I’m trying to do some retroactive bargaining here. I would volunteer to take the bullet for the team.

Then it dawns on me that I’m the one taking the bullet, that is Ty and Kayla and me. We are the ones with the tougher assignment. Shayna did her part, did it so well, but Shayna is released now. Shayna can see us, but we can’t see her. We are the one suffering now. Just as this revelation hits me, a hummingbird flies up next to me, again within arm’s length. It hovers for just a moment then flies off. I take this as confirmation that I just received the answer to my prayer of why Shayna and not me.

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